Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
