she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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