Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I will die if light touches me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
