I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize