he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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