I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
