I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you didnt know i had herpes?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
