Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
