yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
