everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
