What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
