here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Naked. naked and bneed help.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
