i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
