there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
