I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
