I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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