Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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