I feel like I'm in dance class right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
