Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They took my balls.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
