I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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