upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
