he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize