I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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