that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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