I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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