Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
