i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize