Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
