Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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