last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize