How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
