So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A bitchslap is in order.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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