woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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