Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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