How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
from now on my penis is your penis
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
