C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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