you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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