She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize