By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
