Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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