I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
