I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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