You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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