Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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