Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
