I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
