she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
