some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
