you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize