i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
