YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
