Whod you bang
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
