just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
