Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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