If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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