he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
