remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
