Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
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