were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
