I got chris browned last night
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
