just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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