Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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