It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I want to fling myself into the sun
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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