I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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