Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
