she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
