She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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