bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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