Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
