Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
