i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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