I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
