Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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