hell yes lets make some ravioli
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
