I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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